via Sapna Magazine:
Here is the thing- I know I am not the only Desi Muslim woman to be having premarital sex. I am also a follower of Islam and I am inspired by the religion’s moral codes and the way of life that it tries to instill in people. I defend Islam and the image of Muslims in the West all the time, whether that was within my international relations major, in writing, volunteering, and making it a personal motto. But maybe what I am writing is upsetting to some of the same Muslim women. I understand that, but I also want to state that Islam is not just about staying a virgin until you are married, not drinking, and dressing modestly. Rather, the idea of respecting your elders, giving to charity, not back biting, or believing in a higher power is frankly much more important in my opinion than staying a virgin.
There is also more to me wanting to “Get it over with” in regards to my virginity. I knew that anyone I eventually marry will not be a virgin himself. The rate of virgin Muslim Deshi men, both in the U.S., Europe, and across Asia and Africa is getting slimmer and slimmer every day. More attention is always given to the women’s purity rather than the men- this is a sad reality. Also, I didn’t want to marry a virgin in the first place, even when I was a virgin. In this day and age, that just seemed, well, odd. Marrying a late 20s virgin? Just did not seem very interesting or appropriate for a cosmopolitan, smart, and not bad looking woman like myself. Even my current boyfriend admitted that if I was a virgin, he would not have had sex with me so soon (maybe even ever). He is a great guy who is smart, considerate, kind and generous, and his sentiment does not make him a bad person either- it is just how it is in today’s society and in our relationship with sex and sexuality.
So, if the person I was going to marry was not going to be a virgin, why should I be? That did not seem very fair and even a bit demeaning to the meaning of being an independent woman of our time, regardless of race, religion, and class.